femmeconne and probably a lot that still needs to be filtered and processed in my head. I guess I wanted to post here about why I went and why I was too scared to go last year. I think it comes down to this idea that I had been holding close to my chest and feeling guilty about and yet ironically wasn't able to formulate the words and express it until having attended femmeconne on Friday night and talking to 
redbraids , callistra and mynxi . And that is, the idea of not being feminist enough. I have a whole other post about this, related to what I was mentioning in the post from last night and I want to sit down with a clear head and think it through before I post it. But I think one of the reasons I hadn't gone to femmeconne before was because I didn't think I would be "hardcore enough" or wouldn't really be up to discussing the "F word" for a whole weekend. And I was scared too about feeling intimidated - both by trying to enter a clique of women who had gone to the con several times before and knew the ropes and maybe may not let me into the circle and also of meeting new people and having to share personal things with perfect strangers. Course, I like to live my life as a contradition - and what's what I post here if not sharing personal things with perfect strangers. And anyway, a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet. Plus, in truth, I don't actually have much trouble sharing personal things with perfect strangers. And who was I kidding anyway? A weekend is actually not long *enough* for me to talk about women and women's issues. And since I knew several people going to
femmeconne , I went because I knew they would let me in the circle. And I wanted to be able to spend a weekend hanging out with some of the women I love, who show me better (and less hard) ways to do things, who happily share the wisdom they have learned along the way, who kindly listen to my problems and offer solutions (or tea, depending on which is needed) and who help make my life more worth living.And I had a really great time. I thoroughly enjoyed the space. I enjoyed being able to be in a space of women doing and saying awesome things. I enjoyed learning and hopefully offering something to others. I enjoyed being welcomed into the circle and in turn welcoming others when I could. And it wasn't remotely intimidating or scary and why did I take so long to go in the first place?
I have a lot in my head. I have a lot to think about - about myself, about feminist issues, about people and community issues and about how I can be a better member of the community. I really enjoyed the panel I was on because everyone opened up and so many ideas were shared about motivation and trust. There was so much to take away from it but I think one of the things that really struck me is how often we all beat ourselves up about what we suck at but never really credit ourselves with things we are good at or which we can do with ease. I've been thinking about that a lot. For example, I am really good at and love paper filing. Seriously, if you had a study that you had thrown 5 years of paperwork in and never went in and organised it, I would be really excited if you asked me to come in and sort out your taxes. You'd get an overly organised room with things found you never knew you'd lost and all your papers in alpabetical and chronological order. And I would thank YOU for the opportunity! Aren't you glad you now know that about me? I'm sure I could list a bunch of other things too.
So what's your "oh I love it and it comes so easily thing?" wouldn't it be cool to have a community network to draw on and reinforce each other's strengths
