girlie jones (girliejones) wrote,
girlie jones

Ahhh the fountain of youth from different angles

Yesterday I realised that my mother was my age when she lost her dad. And yesterday in particular that really got to me.

Me: I realised today that you were my age when your dad died.
Mum: Yeah.
Me: I'm really sorry. I don't think I was upset enough for you at the time.
Mum: You were six. You seemed pretty upset at the time.
Me: Yeah but not for you.
Mum: Oh?
Me: Well you seemed really old at the time. Now you seem really young.
Mum: Funny that.

I got me some heavy thoughts goin' on right now. You might have noticed. Life's about living, yeah? It all seems to be going really fast though at the moment - the hours, the days, the months, this year. I don't want to turn around in 40 years and think that it all just flew by and I didn't get time to do what really counted to me. When I got sick with Crohns and they were in the process of ruling out cancer, I took stock and looked at what I would have wished I'd done if I were given 6 months to live. Luckily for me I could list a bunch of stuff I'd done that I really wanted to - I'd seen the Pyramids and the Eiffel Tower. And I realised how comforting that was. And I realised I don't ever what to live with regrets or live in a way that I will regret.

I dunno where this thought process is going right now. I'm happy with life and with where I'm at, for the most part. But I think it's good every now and then to stop and take stock and just check. Cause yeah, it does all go by pretty fast.

Tags: stuff
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