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Trying something new

I've been meaning to post about my growing anxiety for my 35th birthday which occasions late next month. It turns out I think I am going through sort of a midlife crisis. Not that I think this is halfway through my life or that I'm in crisis mode but I do really get that whole reflection on the past 35 years, what the fuck I've spent my time doing, what I've learned, what I regret and where I'm at compared to where I thought I'd be by now.

 And what, if anything I want to do about that. maelkann  was very helpful in pointing out that when people have midlife crises, they date someone half their age. Nice, no? Still, in my head I think I've made and am making some decisions about how I want to proceed. Some of these will have to wait till after Swancon but some of the littler things I can and have been starting to change or implement or whatever. Maybe I'll discuss stuff in detail here later.

Here's an example of a small thing. We discovered at New Years? pear cider, something we hadn't come across before. And then in looking for some more to try, I discovered that there's other things in the beer parts of the fridge at the liquor store. And well, not a fan of beer, I am a fan of trying new exotic things but I am also a creature of habit and routine (meaning I can quite happily go in and grab the one or the other of my favourite wines or bubbly and be happy with that).

So we've been trying out various ciders on a Saturday evening the last couple of weeks. Tonight we tried two. This one from Kingstone Press which was not one to overtake previous ones we've liked.

And this apple and raspberry cider which I'm not too keen on.

Something else I'll be doing more of this year - last night I headed straight to the art gallery to meet kathrynlinge  after work. We'd long since been meaning to check out the Peggy Guggeinheim collection and when we heard the gallery was open til 9pm on Fridays and you could grab a glass of wine, well that was for us! I sat at a table outside and slowly sipped a glass of wine whilst I waited for Kathryn to arrive and it was OMG so relaxing! I can't understand why I do not do such things - sit and watch the world go by - more often. I felt a little bit guilty because normally I would have been late, having to go home and feed Benji and so on first. I hate that some things are easier and less stressful now. It bothers me. But ... Kathryn came and we had wine and catch up and then we wandered around the gallery and then headed off to dinner. And normally, I would really resent any scheduled activity that gets in the way of destressing at home in my own space with my other things and craft etc. But I didn't feel that way at all. I had a really great time, regenerating and comforting and fun.

And it reminded me that when I was putting my life back together after my big break up, I filled my life with people and commitments and things to help me not fall apart and to deal with potential depression and so on. I'd never lived on my own before etc. But now, that's not my life. And it's ok and I'm gonna be ok if I let go and let space and quiet and less schedule in my life. And that's one of the things I'm going to be doing more of in 2011 - doing less. And not feeling guilty about it.


( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 22nd, 2011 04:53 pm (UTC)
I really enjoy a good pear cider, but it's hard to find them in my part of the world that aren't way too cloyingly sweet.

My preferred hard apple cider these days is Crispin. I don't know if it's available in Australia, but I'd highly recommend their original. If I'm having a cider at home, it's either that, or White Winter, from a winery in Northern Wisconsin.

If you can get the Crispin Artisinal ciders in your area, I'd recommend giving them a try. They're naturally fermented, unfiltered, and sweetened with things like organic molasses or honey. Their flavor leans a bit beery (probably from the yeasts used), but I do truly despise beer, and still find their artisinal ciders quite drinkable.
Jan. 23rd, 2011 02:08 am (UTC)
LOl I suspect I prefer them cloyingly sweet! I'll keep an ye out though for Crispin here and try it if I get the chance!
Jan. 22nd, 2011 05:27 pm (UTC)
What an awesome idea, doing less, not feeling guilty about it. I wholeheartedly wish you much joy and success in this.
Jan. 23rd, 2011 02:09 am (UTC)
It's hard - it means being more honest about how I really want to spend my time. I've started a bit of it last year and won't really be able to do it properly till after Swancon. But yeah, hoping to watch some sunsets and gaze at stars and smell the roses and all that jazz.
Jan. 23rd, 2011 03:50 am (UTC)
I hear you :) I have something of the same plan - must blog about what I've finally come up with as my theme for this year today :)
Jan. 23rd, 2011 04:42 am (UTC)
Yes, you should
Jan. 22nd, 2011 07:10 pm (UTC)
If it helps at all, 35 sounds 'young' to me (especially when you mention mid-life crisis!)

Then again, I live with the assumption that it will either all be over tomorrow, or I'll live to 100.
Jan. 23rd, 2011 02:10 am (UTC)
I also plan to live to be 100 and a lot of women on both sides of my family have done - though of course we are the first generation not expected to outlive the preceeding one. But at the same time, 35 very much feels like a take stock moment of the big things - where and how I live, what I do for work and where I want to go etc.
Jan. 23rd, 2011 02:45 am (UTC)
Oh boy, I wish I only had to think about my 35th birthday, instead of...we aren't up to *there* already, are we?
Jan. 23rd, 2011 04:42 am (UTC)
Heh, I understand, I think.
Jan. 23rd, 2011 05:01 am (UTC)
Give it another 12 years. Then you'll understand only too well.
Jan. 23rd, 2011 05:09 am (UTC)
Yeah. I guess for me, I have a sooner biological deadline that I have to at least address/consider.
Jan. 23rd, 2011 04:55 am (UTC)
Hey! This resonates with me on a purely superficial level, because I also developed a taste for pear cider, or perry as it should properly be called, just before Christmas. I started on the Swedish one called Kopparberg, which I liked. We tried a local Tasmanian one last week which was twice the price and tasted like water. Very disappointing. :)
Jan. 23rd, 2011 06:34 am (UTC)
i'm not sure but the Kopparberg could have been the first one we tried. So many though still to test! Such fun!
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 23rd, 2011 10:01 am (UTC)
They're both ciders.
Jan. 23rd, 2011 10:21 am (UTC)
I'm definitely in the space of trying to reduce my number of commitments and do less. I've been steadily working on it over the last year and definitely feel it has been a positive thing for me...

I think it is a natural thought process to go through in your thirties. Younger us wanted to do *everything*. When you get into your thirties you have to recognise that you can't do that, and you start to value happiness and quality over quantity, I guess.

That blog I linked on twitter last night has some interesting stuff that I really identified with on the topic.

It's interesting because in the blog's early entries, he sounds a lot like you or me five years ago, with a huge list of goals and trying to break them down and manage them, but as the blog has gone on he has shifted into a much more minimalist aesthetic.


As for the other, biological aspect of your thirties, I know what you mean there too!
Feb. 18th, 2011 12:43 am (UTC)
Wow - been saving clicking on that link - looks like lots of reading there. Will start slowly and see what I can learn!
Especially in my post Swancon Do Nothing phase for 2011
Jan. 23rd, 2011 02:47 pm (UTC)
When I turned 35, I said to mum, "I'm halfway there." She said, "40?", and I replied, "no, 70." 37 this year.
Jan. 24th, 2011 04:24 pm (UTC)
No! Not halfway to 70!
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )

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