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Life. Every moment is fleeting

I suspect if I don’t post a post tonight, I might just end up not getting round to getting back into the habit of blogging, and I really want to. Half the problem is I’m trying to fit so much into every day and every week that I don’t have any time to either write or to sit down and reflect on things to write. And the other half of the problem is I still don’t really know what this blog is for anymore. Someone once told me, and I’m paraphrasing, that they were no longer going to read my blog because I was no longer sad and problem ridden and thus not interesting/had nothing to learn from any more. Which … yeah … clearly this threw me since I still remember it. Am I worth reading if all I post is happy, life appreciating things? Is anyone interested in photos and updates of the craft I’m working on or the boring life habits I’m finessing? If I only talk about the publishing projects I’m working on, then I’m a boring pr outlet and that’s not interesting. Work is always a no go. And wedding details are for after the event.

So you see the dilemma.

I’m just back from a really lovely mellow evening of friends and people just met as we celebrated Amelia Beamer and then farewelled her on her next chapter. She’s been here for a good half a year and it’s been utterly a pleasure. I shall be very sad that she is no longer in the suburb over. But it has been a worthwhile time well spent all the same. I shall miss her dearly.

I got to hang with friends which was lovely too. I’ve said goodbye to C this week. He’s been and gone already. We had a lovely 10 days of – wow are you really here? – and then – it’s like you never left – and then – and now you’re going again, really? He’ll be back right before the wedding which I think will be surreal – a week home, then we get married and then we go on holidays together. He came home and fixed a bunch of things, ate a lot of food, had to share the foxtel and then left. I’ve spent the rest of the week putting things back in their place and thinking about how much better I understand that whole Fly In Fly Out (FIFO they call it here) relatinship thing now. The whole – you’ve not been here for months and this is how I do/like things/this is the routine and they are all – but it’s my house and I live here and I make decisions too. It’s an odd thing. And I can’t say I really liked it. I had a very sad and heavy heart though as I exited the airport and realised I was on my own again. There’s pros (I have the foxtel back again) and cons (everything else) but ultimately, the long distance thing? I can’t say that I love it.

The wedding plans though move onwards. I realised a couple of months ago the thing. People were saying that I didn’t seem that excited – I’m excited about marrying C but I’m not having orgasms about all the stupid little decisions people seem to think are required for planning a wedding. I’m not interested in creating work or jobs to do. I really have enough on my plate. But someone said to me in passing that she loved planning her wedding because it was the first big project she’d ever gotten to do. And I realised that’s why I don’t have that whole high, buzz thing going on. This isn’t my first big project. And it’s also why I don’t have that whole panic freak out thing going on either. I already know that you can plan shit down to the details but things will go wrong on the day. You might lose friends and make enemies about stupid things that can’t be taken back or undone. And you will have to compromise on your vision in order to deliver. And also, I have my eye on the ball – I’m all about the bit where we get *married*. I know that people will judge me no matter what I do and that I won’t be able to please everyone. I already did all this jazz. I’m good. I know that project management is lists and schedules and ticking things off and oiling the squeaky wheel. And no matter what happens, the day will be here soon enough and it will be lovely.


Last week my wedding dress arrived. The one I’m going to wear on the day. And I went to try it on – it’s the one I ordered, so that’s nice. And it needs to be taken in. That’s nice too. I did have that moment. I was standing on the little block, with my dress all poofed out and the assistant had popped out to go get something, and I looked up and saw myself, in the white dress and realised, this is me, in the white dress. The moment. And my heart skipped a beat. It was nice. And then I moved on, made decisions and got out of there!

I’m looking forward to it don’t get me wrong. I’m just fascinated by the whole industry and the manufacturing and corporatisation and monetisation of love, I guess.

And at the end of the month, I’ll be at World Fantasy Con. That’s weird to wrap my head around. This year is going by so fast.

Mirrored from Champagne and Socks.


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 6th, 2012 05:23 pm (UTC)
I am enjoying reading about craft and general life and publishing updates!

TiVo is my Foxtel.-

The actual weddding planning was, for me, like running any other big science project management, except for the parts that were a big craft project :)
Oct. 7th, 2012 05:22 am (UTC)

Yeah I've kinda avoided craft n the wedding. I dunno if I feel good or bad about that.
Oct. 6th, 2012 10:55 pm (UTC)
Huh. I like reading when people are happy and getting on with things.

I've never really understood why people go totally overboard with "the wedding"

Sure, when I got married it was fun, but the day was more than the details.
Oct. 7th, 2012 05:21 am (UTC)
I think people go overboard because they think that it means something more than it actually does. That they "have finally made it" to someplace, rather than realising you're at the starting line.
Oct. 7th, 2012 12:21 am (UTC)
I have no objection to your happiness.

Did I not warn you about that Moment when you saw yourself dressed up as a bride? :-)

As for the wedding industry *sigh*. There's so much emphasis about the wedding being the *end* point of a process, rather than a transition to mark the beginning of a new life.
Oct. 7th, 2012 05:20 am (UTC)
You did warn me and it still took me by surprise!

Exactly, i see the wedding as the first day of a whole new journey. It's not the be all or end all.
Oct. 7th, 2012 02:37 am (UTC)
Someone once told me, and I’m paraphrasing, that they were no longer going to read my blog because I was no longer sad and problem ridden and thus not interesting/had nothing to learn from any more.

Hahahaha I hope you never talked to them ever again.
Obviously they like drama and angst, and seriously, that's not everything! Plus if they seriously don't believe there's lessons to be learnt from happy, peaceful people, then they need to start seeing a professional. :/

I love seeing yu happy and productive. And I love seeing what you're working on.

I had the same thing with my wedding - it was easier than a lot of other projects I had already tackled!
Oct. 7th, 2012 05:19 am (UTC)
They weren't a close friend or anything, but still.

I always wondered if people only read this *for* the drama and the angst. Course i am discovering there is a lot to learn on peace and happiness. It's different to what I thought it would be.

After organising a con .... yeah :)
Oct. 7th, 2012 04:15 am (UTC)
I find happiness more interesting than unhappiness.

Perhaps that person should reconsider, on the grounds that your boring happiness can make them unhappier?
Oct. 7th, 2012 05:14 am (UTC)
Obviously at the time I kinda thought ... well that's such an odd thing to say like almost - I only like you when your life is worse than mine. and actually. there are people out there like that, its a strange world. But then I wondered if maybe my lj at its height of being read was really for that reason.
Oct. 7th, 2012 06:52 am (UTC)
I started reading your blog when you were just getting some traction on working through lots of stuff (er, 2-3 years ago maybe?). I don't tend to seek out angst for its own sake; I appreciated the methodical, thorough, honest approach you were taking to starting to work on living how you wanted to live. It's great to see that this is all paying off, and that you're still working hard on doing even better for yourself and dealing with new challenges as they happen.

Besides, I like reading about what other people get up to, who make different decisions than I do. Because I can't do everything :-)

Frankly, people who want others' angst for its own sake can shove it [1].

[1] I leave finishing this phrase as a creative exercise for the reader.
Oct. 14th, 2012 08:31 am (UTC)
Thanks :)
Oct. 8th, 2012 03:08 am (UTC)
I've always been fascinated by the manufacturing and corporatisation and monetisation of love part of the wedding industry. It's something I find so interesting! I'm often reading books about it and the history of it. Possibly that is a strange interest to have!
Oct. 14th, 2012 08:30 am (UTC)
I think it's quite healthy - if you can be aware of it, I think that prevents you from falling into the abyss. Craziness lies that way.
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )

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