January 28th, 2008

Willow

Bunch of random stuff

I won a tarot reading from mallory_blog! Am quite excited.

It's Monday! WTF?

Am going to have to give in to the fact that my Sixth/Spidey Sense is starting to get more detailed and more accurate. I had gut feeling when I booked my flights to WFC last year that my relationship wouldn't last beyond that trip. And I was right. I had a gut feeling that I would see an ambulance outside my house in this new place at some point. I thought it would be the psycho neighbours across the road but I watched a next door neighbour be put in one late last night. Makes me start thinking about my other gut feelings - I think I will get a contract renewal at my current job, I think the ex will want me to get back with him, I think there will be a dark haired man hanging out with me here before I move out, I think I will be here in this house till at least May.
Must think about other gut feelings I have at the back of my mind.
Willow

doggie

I had the doggie here this weekend while the ex was away. calla_s and I picked him up yesterday morning and he gardened with us, hung out with me in the evening, moving between every couch or seat in the house and then watched the ambulance thing with me in the wee hours. Then he was here all day today. Now he's been picked up and has gone home.

A lot of the time he was sleeping somewhere else in the house but I miss him. I miss him not being off in some other room and about to wander in here - I keep expecting it and he doesn't. Of course.

In the week I was saying how it had been ages since I'd had him here and it was actually very freeing not to have to come directly home from work to feed him or to worry about whether it's too hot etc. And he gets up in the night, every night, to go outside, which gets old. But now that he's been and has now gone, I miss having some other being rattling round this house with me. It's nice having some other being come in and check on you every once in a while. Now it is noticeably quiet whereas before, I didn't notice it as much.

So now I don't know whether I want a doggie of my own or not.
Willow

stuff

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think I am about 80%, maybe even 85%, over it.

The ex came in and sat and chatted, kinda, before he left with the dog. He told me he was robbed the other night - doing something I have for years now told him not to do .. cause you'll get robbed. He has changed cars. He's hanging out with other women - and he says "a friend" when he tells me and I was like, "dude, I know it's a woman when you say that" and he went on to reassure me nothing was happening but I was like "I don't care", and honestly I don't. As he was leaving I said "have a good time on your trip", he leaves next Tues and he says "you don't think we'll speak before then?" and I reply, "dude I'm still waiting for the meal you said we would go on after Christmas, so no I don't think you'll call me". And he looked sheepish and said, "oh yeah."

I remember how angry I was at the beginning of the month when he promised me that we would go out. I didn't believe him and he was all reassuring that we would. There I am, not caring that it hasn't happened, not angry about it at least, but more just pointing out that this is what I think of him. And I'm sure the expression on my face said it all.

I don't care that he is hanging out with other women. I wish he would treat me as if I was more important to him than he does, but I'm not more important to him than the way he treats me. I'm glad to no longer be worried that we might get robbed cause he leaves doors open to let the dog out and goes back to sleep. I'm glad to no longer feel like I am on shifting sands cause he is constantly upgrading all his belongings. And hanging out rafted up to two other boats is not my idea of a fun way to spend my long weekend. I'm not worried about the girl thing in truth, cause I think most women would be less tolerant than I was with him. And I think that's why he will come back - not cause he is going to choose me but because it will be hard to find someone else.

On days other than today, this would all probably make me a bit sad. But today I am pragmatic and moved on and hopeful about my own future where someone else awaits me.
Willow

ASif! inbox curse

It's *not* that I'm complaining, really I'm not. I love my reviewers and I love that they are working so hard and submitting new material. A review site can't work unless it's constantly being updated.

But it's like they have a camera in here on me. I've been working all week trying to reduce my inbox by publishing submitted reviews and pretty much without fail, they'e matched me review for review. And usually within 30mins of me publishing one on the site, one of them submits another review. And its not just a few of em, it's across the team. They're all in on it! And so after working like a dog in January and posting 25 reviews, I have at least that many still in my inbox and I've been darn well treading water!!

At least I have the fabulous benpayne keeping track of it all for me. But he has clearly been organising things behind me back cause everytime I go somewhere or see someone, they shove books in my hands and mumble something about "amnesty".

On the other hand, its been great to be able to share the burden (of spreadsheets in disarray etc) and to have to stocktake the books waiting in my room for assignment. It forced me to make inroads into tidying and sorting my study which has been worthwhile. Also being able to share a task always makes it more tacklable. And having to say stuff aloud to someone else (like how many reviews I had myself down for) always forces in the wind of sanity.

And finally, I got another bookshelf, a kind gift from a friend, today. So .. I may not have to cull my collection down quite so desperately.