May 8th, 2008


Feel the fear and do it anyway

So a while back I was talking about lists and list management and I mentioned that I thought there was an underlying assumption that you actually wanted to do the things on the list. Ha! And ha! again I say. How the mighty have fallen, eh?

These days I can't even get myself to write the list let alone want to do any of the things on them. And the less you do, the less momentum you have and then ... oh then paralysis sets in. You no longer can remember where you were up to on things, when you pick things up they no longer make sense and you have to start over. And I am a terrible scientist because I never keep good log books and that translates over into everything in my life - I can never remember when i opened the milk, where money is supposed to go, what I paid for, what row I was up to on the jumper I am knitting etc etc etc.

I currently think I suck. And that makes it even harder to get up the energy to do things. *Any* thing. My life is still on speed so I am running around like a chook without a head and am home for 5 mins before bedtime in any case. Nothing is getting done.

Why then, you may ask, are you doing yet another book over this year? That actually has been planned since Swancon and is going to help me out of the New Ceres mag paralysis - submitters to which will have been aware of for some time. The book is actually action forward on a stalled project and some glimmer of hope for me of getting on top of things. It's also actually at least half-filled which is why we have asked for queries rather than an open submission period.

So. What to do when you can't even write the list and if you did, would be actively avoiding it anyway? Well, for me, it's time to bring out the big guns: BRIBERY. Yes. It works for toilet training three year olds and it works on me too for making me do things I don't really want to do and for kickstarting my momentum.

So ... I have a bunch of stuff that I have scouted round that I might like as rewards. Now I will work out a point system where each item is worth a point or 4 and then I will write up my grand EVERYTHING I NEED TO GET DONE list including things that will answer the big questions: who am I and what do I want from life? And then I will assign points. Harder and yuckier tasks worth more points. And see how i go from there. Trouble is? I think I still need a reward for writing the list cause it's Thursday and I've been "getting to it" since Monday.

Um... actually?

I think that's the precise definition of a beast:

Fritzl described himself as a man who valued decency and good manners, and said the emphasis on discipline in Nazi times, when he grew up, might have influenced him.

"Nonetheless, I am not the beast the media depicts me as.

"When I went into the bunker, I brought flowers for my daughter, and books and toys for the children, and I watched adventure videos with them while Elisabeth was cooking our favourite dish," he said.

"And then we all sat around the table and ate together."

Love it ... firstly, noone has *ever* allowed the "blaming it on the Nazis" as an excuse. Secondly - check out the typical thought processes of an abuser: yeah, I locked her in a bunker for 24 years but hey, I brought flowers so that makes it okay. Romantic even. [1]

Fucker. I hope he rots in hell.

[1] I do like the bit where he sat and watched TV with the kids whilst she had to cook. So fucked up in his head - I brought flowers down to the bunker and made my daughter cook us dinner whilst I played with our children! Nevermind that she must have been terrified out of her mind.