May 20th, 2008

Willow

for my own amusement

Today 4.04pm

I come barelling out of my office and almost collide with my team mate
Her: I was just coming to see you. Shall we walk and talk?
Me: Ooh how The West Wing of us!

Willow

Tonight

I was supposed to do a tonne of stuff. Instead I made my own soft light box and learned how to take macro photos on my camera.
Willow

My other epiphany

... also happened over this weekend just gone.

I had a fantastic weekend. I started it by opening a bank account for Twelfth Planet Press which felt like a huge milestone - maybe like my baby just cut its first few teeth. I also opened a Rewards Saver account whilst I was there which is sort of a grown up thing to do - for like a house deposit or something equally grown up.

Then I met kathrynlinge who was exceedingly patient and helped me locate the 4 throw pillows I wanted to buy with a gift voucher for my couch. And then we went off to breakfast at my fave brunch place. We had a long long breakfast and chat. And it was great.

I headed home for a brief hour of work and then off to a high tea at grouchiegrrl's. She made a full gluten free spread and I have to say that the brownies have to pretty much the best brownies I've ever had - and that's a biiiig call. I also got to meet and catch up with cricketk and cupidsbow and some others. We had a luxurious and decadent afternoon of conversation - light and fun as well as challenging and thought-provoking. I went home late, passed by the parents, and then I think I did some work.

Then I had the sea rescue shift which I already mentioned. It was such an unbelievably lovely day, especially in May. I was there early so as not to miss the boat and I sat in the sun and read some of the stories robshearman has sent me. Beautiful scenery, great stories. Surely life doesn't get much better than this? (Yes, catsparx these also made me want to shower) And then I hopped on board and when we weren't actively doing stuff, I had a chance to look out the window. I saw a submarine emerging (that's always interesting). And then I just got to watch Rottnest, this beautiful water and sky, and light dancing on the water and then a stunning sunset. And at some point in the day I realised that this was not such a bad way to spend a Sunday. And I took in the moment and embraced the serenity of it all.

And I realised that I actually really love my life right now. I am really happy and things are good. And I realised something else - for the last 6 months, I've been referring to this as being "in transition". Meaning that I don't plan to stay "here", this is just a place I am passing through. But actually? I quite like it here. I like that I can spend my whole weekend like I did without being conscious of being with people or having interests that my partner doesn't like. And my living arrangements? I am happy here. My job - well. TPP is going well. I am learning things on the boat. I am getting fit and strong at the gym. Yoga is helping with flexibility and centring and I really love it and feel a lot like how I used to feel back when I danced. I have all my friends back and I have lots of new friends that I love. I like how I spend my weekends and who I spend that time with.

Why should this be transition? Why can't this be my life, here, right now? And that's when I realised I'm not in transition anymore. I am in my happy life and I love it the way it is. It's coupled with the other epiphany about letting go but it's more than that. It's about being happy in the moment and liking this the way it is and this being what I should be honest about. This is my life. And if anyone else is to come into it (like those of you reading this), they become a piece in this puzzle - I am not a piece to fit into someone else's puzzle. It's kind of a big shift in my thinking. I don't think I've ever thought this way before - that I am fine the way I am and someone else could/should complement this. That this is my picture, I am no longer looking for a place in someone else's picture.