September 9th, 2008

Willow

not today of all days!

ARGH!!! So I had a huge deadline that I needed to get into work this morning and get done ASAP. And what happened? Stupid work. Yesterday they told the rest of my team, who work in a different building, to not be there in the morning due to earthworks. So they didn't come in. And then I rock up and find that actually? Change of plan and the crane will lift demountable buildings over OUR building instead and all my officemates are in the cafeteria having coffee and reading the paper.

So I spent my morning getting better acquainted with them and NOT getting my deadline done. And now I am all flustered and can't concentrate.
Willow

*cries*

You know that big deadline I was rushing on?

You know how I am really really bad at learning my lessons the easy way?

Imagine a person who didn't save a day's worth of work and then had a computer crash. That person would be me.

*fucked*
Willow

The end is ...?

tomorrow? I don't personally think so.

But, what would you really want to be doing tonight, considering tomorrow we could all be sucked into a Black Hole?

I know what *I* would *like* be doing ... but am about to go and share dinner with a work friend and her fiance, which is still a nice way to spend possibly the last few hours on this planet.
Willow

Disconnectedness

I love yoga. Often I forget how much I love it till I go back, especially after skipping a couple of sessions. This week I finally managed to get back into the routine and was rewarded with the guru instructor. It was a really hard session - not cardio-wise, but just really deep movements and lots of opening up of the body and whathaveyou.

What I love about yoga is its subtlety. The more classes I take, and the further ahead I progress, the more I realise how little progress I have made along the path and how much more work there is to be done. I know my body is far more flexible and open compared to the very very bad state it was in when I started after several years of almost no exercise at all.

But what I can also see is how much more I have to learn about my body. What I love about yoga is the learning of how all the parts of the body fit together. There's all sorts of things I didn't know - like flexing your foot disengages your knee. When I first started, there were a whole heap of positions that I thought No, I can't do that! My knees will just not like that only to discover that it's a matter of technique - flexing your foot or disengaging one muscle and engaging another. And that's been really interesting to find out how little I know about how all my muscles and bones are joined and work.

But what I really love about that is how grounded and in the moment that forces you to be. When you sit for 5 minutes in a position and concentrate on adjusting and readjusting parts of your body to balance and contort and oh, yeah, breathe, it forces you into the moment, into the now, and grounds you back down to earth. In other words, it's a form of meditation. And what struck me this week whilst I was doing this, is how nice that feels to be grounded back into yourself. And how connected that makes you feel - the same as on Saturday when I stood and looked at the ocean or when I stop to enjoy a particularly beautiful sunset.

For a long time, I have forgotten how important it is to me to feel connected and grounded. And I think that's because for a long time I felt the opposite. And I guess I've been thinking about which comes first - the depression that then disengages and disconnects or whether because I disengage and disconnect, the depression follows. Just a random thought for developing coping mechanisms to avoid the Abyss. I guess in a way, I didn't want reconnect or meditate and feel grounded because it would have forced me to deal with the issues that I was not wanting to acknowledge. Course, in the end, reality catches up with you, anyway.

So I guess this week, I've remembered how nice it is to take a time out from the world to ground myself. I think I will try and make sure that comes back into my regular routine - whether that's a walk along the beach, or sitting under a tree and gazing at the vast sky or deep breathing in yoga. And eventually, maybe I'll even find the time and inclination to sit still long enough to get back into meditation.