September 16th, 2008



I had counselling last night. I still go about once a month. I kinda just want someone to check in with me every now and then and make sure I am ... I dunno. Sane? Saner? And plus... as editormum said last time, Ogres are like onions and I'm still working on stuff.

Basically, I am working towards being a happy, complete, self-contained and robust individual. Well, that's my goal anyway. Yesterday, we spoke a bit about female role models in my life. I mentioned that the other day I had taken a look round at the kind of people I surround myself with and the one thing I think they all have in common is how stable and solid they are. I have so many people in my life that I can turn to in a freak out and get a calm, rational, logical sounding board. Which is totally cool. And I guess something that I am lucky to have role modelled in my life every day. I think I am that kind of person when people come to me for advice on their problems. And it's something I have been working on internally this year - asking myself what advice I would give someone else in this particular position and then actually trying to follow that advice.

I've also been working on breaking old, sometimes very old, bad habits. Of how I view myself and how I react to situations or emotions or feelings. And working on finding a positive or constructive reaction. Because as I deal and remove all the obvious ways I self sabotage, I'm finding lots of other, less obvious and more deep-rooted ones that hide away in dark corners. And I am determined to shine the light in every single one, call it as it is, and eradicate it. In some ways, I am a little uncertain of what happens after that. But what I am challenging myself with is ... why don't you go to that place and then have a look around and see? Sort of a feel the fear but do it anyway approach.

So the current question I am dealing with is: why don't I want to be the best that I can be? Which is kind of a shameful thing to admit that I, with all my passion and Disney fairytale ideals, still don't actually strive for my personal best. In every aspect of my life. I mean, in some ways the answers are kind of obvious - fear of failure, fear of success, fear of failing because being the best I can be is not good enough. But again, I am trying to apply a feel the fear and do it anyway approach. It's new - maybe only 2 to 3 weeks old - and I am still working on breaking habits. But the best bit so far is locating and identifying them in the first instance in order to look at what needs to be broken or changed. And I guess too, a little bit of excitement at the idea of one day not being handicapped by the feeling of fear. Of truly flying without a net and fully giving in to the rush.

So in all this discussion, my counsellor drew me a wheel that is sectioned off into aspects of self and how you need to work on striving a balance in all of them, by setting goals for each - you know like, physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual etc. And in some ways, at the beginning of the year, when I began my journey, I did identify some of these as needing work - social for example being a big one. And I think I have been slowly working through them. I'm going to give thought though to working through all the spokes on the wheel and set goals for each. And strive for this thing people call, "balance". And also maybe try to start waving at the milestones as I pass them by. Even for old times sake.

There are 164 Days till my Birthday

Time wasting something something

27 February 1976
Your date of conception was on or about 6 June 1975 which was a Friday.
You were born on a Friday
under the astrological sign Pisces.
Your Life path number is 7.

Your fortune cookie reads:
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. H.L. Mencken

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2442835.5.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1/31/1976 and ending 2/17/1977.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Dragon.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Wolf; your plant is Plantain.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Pachons, the first month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 26 AdarI 5736.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 27 AdarI 5736.

You are 32 years old.
You are 391 months old.
You are 1,699 weeks old.
You are 11,890 days old.
You are 285,361 hours old.
You are 17,121,701 minutes old.
You are 1,027,302,079 seconds old.

Top songs of 1976
Tonight's the Night by Rod Stewart
Don't Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John & Kiki
Play The Funky Music by Wild Cherry

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.65362035225049 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)

There are 164 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 33 candles.

Which reminds me - I know already what I want to do for my birthday next year. I didn't have a good time at my 30th so I figure what better way but to double the fun with a "three three" party. It's gonna be a 1920s theme with other details to follow. But my birthday is on a Friday next year so it'll either be that night or the Saturday night.

Tansy does Politics

I love it when cassiphone is procrastinating!!

Here she rounds up the debate around the traps on Sarah Palin,the AntiFeminist. Probably almost everyone here reads Tansy but if you don't you should - she's funny, brilliant, witty, insightful and pretty much always is my voice of reason. Mostly I'm marking this spot to catch up on all those links when I get home.


More WA Politics

And no surprises, I guess, but no enthusiasm either. Ripper has been elected the Leader of the Labor Party. MacTiernan was going to contest but realised she didn't have the numbers. McGowan put his hat in the ring for Deputy but lost to some incoming MP.

Meh. And boooring.



Almost off to bed. I got none of tonight's planned work done. Am tired. I got home late because I dropped past my parent's after the gym, had a coffee and picked up what I won in the Art Auction:

By cassiphone. Now I just need to work out where you hang creepy art in your house. It's not the bedroom, I'm thinking.

I also popped past my PO Box, even though it was after 6. And I found a couple of red slips in there. I love my post office. I love the small town feel of it. Three slips, one of them registered which I think must be andymacrae's special package - thanks Andy! And then one that is just regular mail and someone has written "Books :-)" on it. Love them!!!

Probably won't get there till Thursday either cause of gym tomorrow arvo. Today was a really good session. I tried out the intervals program on the treadmill which was a really good workout. And then I managed 7 pushups on my toes plus 3 at half time (which equals 6 normal ones). Nearly up to a full set of pushups. Which I am oddly driven to be able to do in case I ever end up in prison. I don't know why. Chin ups are next.

Am trying to process the idea of being away from the internet next week whilst I am out in the field. I might get hives or something.