March 14th, 2009

Willow

Bad places

Today was the first day in a very long long while that I wasn't ok. Today was the first day in a very long while that self destructive behaviour looked good to me. It's been a long time since I felt this way. I think I am tired. I think I don't know what to do with this headache. And I feel a bit overwhelmed. I'm my harshest critic and this week I've been phoning home some reviews.

Funnily enough though a helping hand came from an unexpected direction - J came over with a vegetarian lasagne, heated it and fed me dinner. And then he took me to see the movie "W". I was in a foul mood. Despondent. A bit morose, maybe? Definitely snarky. And I took it out on J and on the movie (which I thought was gratuitous and sexist). J took it in good humour. Though he admitted he was worried at the point that I leaned over in the movie and said that I couldn't sit through the rest. He thought I was gonna get up and leave and was wondering if he was going to have to follow! He's not seen me in one of these moods before.

I'm still not sure whether J and I can be friends but ... it was nice that he was here today and better I think than had I stayed home alone.

Tomorrow I have arrangements with two different friends so I think I will be better. And I will get more of NCN and my taxes done and will hopefully start to feel more on top of things.

Bad days are always gonna happen. I guess it's how you deal with them that counts.