May 5th, 2009

Willow

A productive morning

- which is just as well cause I am about to get sucked into the vortex of a meeting in the city for the afternoon.

This morning I did a hustle. I reckon in hanging out with jonathanstrahan this last year long, he has taught me how to do this better. I dunno what happened but I think I might have managed to wrangle funding, maybe, for my job here. Or else, a position over there - was told to email my cv along, in any case. Life is a hustle, I guess. You gotta know what you want and look at to the horizon for opportunities that will help pick you up and ride you out there.

We'll see, I guess.

But I think also my new boss has helped with that. She leads. She makes you feel like you are worthy and skilled member of a team and good at what you do and she assumes you will have iniative and she rewards it when you use it. I got a high five, in any case. Yay. Best boss ever. And sadly only temporarily filling if for the other one.

me

That's different

I finished working at 10pm today. I finished what I needed to get done today and it seemed too late to start something new. Weird. I blame the exercise - that's two for two now on the having a massively productive work session following a running session. Interesting ...

Today I started the program to be a runner in 12 weeks. Technically it should only take 11 since I started with week 2. Wasn't too bad actually. I took Benji with me so he'll also be a runner after 11 weeks. All of last week I was kinda second guessing the two year old puppy thing. He's got a lot of energy and stuff. If you don't make sure he gets a walk ... well, that's your punishment to wear. So getting home in time to walk him in the daylight has become a priority. Finding an exercise that incorporates him, seemed efficient.

Then my trainer kicked me in the arse on the weekend. Essentially, I had lost all motivation. For everything, since the whole job sitch and a couple of other things going on. I just feel tired all the time. I have so much on my plate. I just felt too ... heavy in my soul ... to get moving in any real way. I *wanted* to lose weight and get fit but the truth was, I didn't have the fire in my belly to make what needs to happen happen. And I just have a ton of other things competing for my time. Exercise was just not up there as a priority.

But my trainer sat down with me and we talked the whole thing through. She thinks getting on top of this would make me feel good about an aspect of my life that is for me. We talked a lot about me and what suits me and how to work that and I was really saying that I needed a whole of week plan for both food and exercise and a way of being accountable. I feel if I have a checklist, I can work it. I have a checklist :) And I'm working it. And we'll see. I want to lose a decent amount of weight (all of it) by xmas and actually she thinks that's really doable.

So with that in mind, I began the running program today. And it turns out the needing to get the dog out means I may as well be doing the program. Two things in one. Yay. And ... even though I had thought that the time commitment would be trading off other committed time and that I wouldn't have the energy to do it ... it's not linear. So I had more energy after the run. Got a ton of work done with a clear head. Don't feel tired at all. I actually feel energised. And more than that, getting all the work done quickly means I had relax time before bed too. In the future, I could like, read for fun or something! I *always* forget that you feel better when you exercise. You get into the rut and you forget what it's like out of it - cause breaking through takes so much effort.

I thought I was doing this because I am sick of the white noise of constantly not being happy with how I look. And I was struggling with the hidden assumptions behind that (that whole "I'll be happy when" thing but also that it shouldn't matter how I look). But it turns out that actually this might positively feed back into a bunch of other things in my life balance. I forgot that. And I'm glad to have refound it.