May 15th, 2009

Willow

inevitable

Came home sick from work today.

Woke up several times in the night with a searing earache. Yet when it came time to decide, I figured I was not sick enough to stay home from work. Dog then peed on the carpet. Cleaned that up. Got ready to go to work. Dog appeared on driveway with paws caked in mud. Yep, he's figured out he can push the gate the other way and let himself out.

Dog ran off down the street. Dog stole snack which was to lure him inside and took it off up the street to eat. Made arrangements for my mother to come pick him up after work so I could leave him instead. Mum came to check her keys work. Coaxed dog into my car by looking like I was about to leave. Took dog inside and washed paws, shut all doors to comfy beds. Left dog inside. Locked keys inside house. Called mum using last bar of my phone to come back and let me in.

Went to work. Halfway into the drive to work realised my ear really hurts and I probably should have stayed home.

Became listless and useless at work. Incoherent. Throat started to get sore. Unable to avoid doors when trying to walk in a straight line.

Made Drs appt and came home.

Now waiting till 4pm for the drs.

Want to curl up in bed and sleep for 10 years.
Willow

A medical post

So, went to the doctor's. You should not go to the doctor's when you don't feel well. It was traumatic. My remnant OCD gets triggered and ... let's just say, it was a trying exercise in particular today. And I got all the school kids getting vaccinated rush. I nearly left after sitting there for an hour cause the noise was hurting my ears.

The doctor is treating it as an earache (that's totally his words) but couldn't be precisely sure. I developed a sore throat today and *know* I have an earache so am cool with the antibiotics. I don't take them unless *do or die* cause they upset my Crohn's.

Whilst I was there, I got my referral for my gynaecologist - forgot the appt totally last week and rescheduled. My win was that he wrote me an Indefinite Referral. I cannot believe you can actually get those! Yay! For 5 years I've been crap at organising them and didn't see the point if it's the specialist who keeps wanting to see you and not your GP referring you. Anyway, my doctor was curious. I explained that he likes to keep an eye on me and do the papsmears himself cause of the Crohn's.

Dr: It's just that, you pretty much only see Dr [Awesome] for ... [pause] ... cancer.
Me: I know. It's just because of the autoimmune.

But it reminds me to do my annual - Are you Due for your Papsmear test - reminder.

The conversation with my GP could have been uncomfortable. I do see a Gynaecological Oncologist for my regular papsmears. I go yearly for them. But I feel better for it because 6 years ago now, I had a scare. Regular papsmears had detected anomalous cells on my cervix two years earlier. Subsequent tests continued to show these (the body does shed and get rid of anomalous cells on its own, that's a natural process) and when they did the final test, they found these cells to be in stage 4 and the words "precancer" were on the lab report (I read those in the waiting room). I got sent to Dr [Awesome] for a colposcopy - they do like a papsmear but under a microscope and with silver iodide, I think? There's really nothing quite like seeing your cervix magnified on a TV screen. More so when the white shows up the bad cells and your whole cervix is white, as far as you can see.

I had laser surgery to burn off these cells. That's the normal procedure. It didn't hurt. I didn't bleed and I went home and watched old movies and really didn't feel at all unwell. But in the actual procedure, the nurse held me and I shivered through the whole thing, in shock. I'm sure that was partly due to the word "burn" being associated with your private bits. Also, the whole set up reminded me of what I imagined illegal abortion places to look like. That's ridiculous of course, this was the best doctor in Perth doing it in a private hospital with total cleanliness and so on. But it was the position I had to lie in, I spose, and the fact that I didn't know what to expect. And the bucket at his/my feet in which ... - I'll never forget that.

I was fine. I had several papsmears in close succession for the following two years. At the point that he would send you back to the care of your GP and the regular papsmear every two years, he told me that he wanted to continue to see me because of the Crohn's. I was happy with that. It's kind of a privilege to have such a specialist do your regular checkup. But I can see that with a disease that is an overreactive immune system, you don't want to get lost in the system. I'm all for prevention.

When are you (or the women you love) due for your next papsmear?
Willow

huh

Watching some program on SBS about homosexuality in Hollywood through the decades.

I didn't know that right prior to Hugh Grant's escapade with Divine Brown, there were rumours he was gay. Spose that was an effectie spin/distraction.