May 18th, 2009


Kicking into gear

I'm getting things organised and moving again. After Horn, and Shiny 5, the very top thing on my list is revamping my resume.

I was wondering if there were any resume genuises out there - you know, where you nail it with the right spin and the right info and always get job offers off of it? I've been asked to send a few people my resume in the organisation I really really want to move to and I'm hoping to bypass and get offered something out of it.

I would really appreciate any help.


grr and stuff

Just hopped in my car to do an errand and the battery is flat. Can you believe this? I mean ... seriously! I'm choosing though to think of this as a good thing since I have an appointment at 6.30 and it's better to find out now that at 6pm. Especially since RAC apparently have a 3 hr wait at the moment. Come on with this stuff already!

Although, if you give them a mobile number as your contact, they'll SMS you when they are on their way. Screw all those old luddites who hate technology, I'm so into SMS reminders that my DVDs are in or the RAC man is on his way. Hello Future! Welcome .. send your blue pills and jet packs over here!

In other news, I'm still dreaming ridiculously lucidly. I suspect it's the panadol I'm taking at night for the fever and headaches. Though it could just as easily be the ... fever.

Last night's dream was all gritty and grimy which I'm sure is from editing Horn yesterday.

The night before's though I moved back into shared housing for some reason but with some really cool people and we were having a really fun time. But the thing that was odd was there were softshelled turtles in my dream. I'm pretty sure there is such a thing but these seemed like *really* soft shells - like more like reptile skins and sorta moist. And they were white and brown. Weird.

Virgin Blue cancelled the 6pm flight home from Adelaide so now I have to decide whether to leave the 3pm flight I got moved to and risk the Natcon Business meeting a) being scheduled and b) finishing before 1pm. That's gonna be tight, isn't it? Checking out and getting all my stuff sorted and going to the meeting. Hmmm



Caught an RAC dude just clocking on and it only took 20 mins. But ... and here's a good note to make for next time, in order to get the SMS update, you need to have TURNED ON your phone. Oh yes indeedy!

Anyway. He changed the battery, checked it all out and it's the alternator. Which means the car has to go into the mechanics first thing tomorrow and now I have to navigate that whole thing tomorrow. And borrow my mother's car to get to an appointment tonight.



Time for another adventure

I have counselling tonight - thus the need to sort the car issue. And amongst some other things I want to talk over, there's the stuff in this post, that I've been meaning to make for half a week.

Let me preface it by saying, it's NOT a midlife crisis! The women in my family live a very long time and I intend to do the same. And consider myself not quite a third of the way in.

But ... a couple of weeks ago, I was thinking how the last 20 years have gone by really quickly. I mean, yeah, a lot happened in them - high school, tertiary, postgrad, long term relationship, tons of travelling, getting a job, starting a business etc etc. But looking back from here, it was really fast. And that makes me think that the next 20 will go by fast too - or faster. And it will be like the blink of an eye and I will look back at these 20 years to come.

And the thing about this thought that has pulled me up is ... what do I want to do in them? Cause all of a sudden I've realised this ain't a dress rehearsal. This is it, baby. And it's time to stop faffing about, cruising along and taking life as it comes to me and DO whatever it is that I really want to DO in my life. Cause this next 20 years are it. No more resets or reboots. It's SHOWTIME. I've built up skills, and knowledge and life experience. I earn my own wage, pay my own way and deal with my own life. There are no obstacles for me in terms of making a leap. Any leap. In any direction. And no reason not to believe that I can. Now, with this job situation, I realise this is the moment. Now is the time to not take on another 6 month rolling contract type job kinda in my field of expertise.

Now is the time to grab life by the horns and ride it! Off into the sunset.

It's just ... I'm not quite exactly sure which direction I want to go yet.

And that was the point of the last post about the CV (not resume, thanks R). Get that sorted. Have somewhere to leap now. But hopefully by Sept I will know what I want to do. I always wanted a really exciting life. And I have done exciting things and been exciting places. I just ... if you want an exciting life, that ain't a boring 9-5 job in a quiet inner suburb and brunch on Saturdays. You know?

On being spat out the other side

My very first memory of achievement and expectation is from my very first report card from Year 1. I didn't know what they were or even that they were until my mother was standing comparing mine with my cousin's mother (he was in my class at school, we were competitive from this day forward). I didn't know anything about them other than the fact, apparently, from what they seemed to be saying, was that "1s" were good and I had a lot of 2s on mine. I hadn't known we'd be graded. I didn't know I had had to be prepared. Noone had told me until after the fact.

From that day on, I looked around and took my cues from other people about what was going on and what we were expected to do. How do other people find out about this information? And like from as early as 6? How do people know this stuff? I never did in any case. But this probably explains how I got on the bandwagon in the first place. Swam in the wake. Did what everyone else did, whether I wanted to or not. Do the school thing. Find something to be passionate about. Pick a career. Do the uni thing. Come out the other end. Look around. Find someone to settle down with. Do the settling down thing ...aahhh that's where it all came unstuck.

Cue all that misery. The desperately clinging to the picture. And then the falling apart when it all fell apart.

This is kinda what I mean by the coasting along at life. Kinda just doing what everyone else was doing, cause I guess that's easier and you can not stand out doing that. And waiting for life to happen to me. Not making any big or permanent decisions that would get in the way of that, when it finally happened. For the longest time I wanted to settle down with someone and make a family. And I think I put on hold a lot of choices I may have made instead, had I known that by 33 this would not have happened for me. And the thing is, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if that is really the lifestyle I honestly want, I'm not sure it's me at all. And it reminds me of a conversation I had with editormum, about something else entirely, at Xmas where she said to me, "I think it's sad that you think you need a man to have a family." And it's not that I think that in general - I don't - but I thought that, *for me*. I was making a lot of lifestyle choices because I thought that *for me* there was only the one option.

Hello feminism and liberation and expression of personal freedom! Where were you guys hiding?

It turns out that there are lots of options. For having a family. And for being single. And for being happy too.

Cause that's where I am. This current thing is not about being unhappy and wanting to change things. It's about finally coming to a point in my life where I am happy, feel supported, feel like I am in a place where I can make a leap. And that's so different to where I was when I last had to make a leap. Back then I didn't think I would survive in the world by myself. Now, I know I can and it's more about being in a place where I have the confidence to know I will thrive, not just survive.

I'm amazed at how far I've come from where I was. But also I feel like I'm a completely clean slate. That after everything I've been through and overcome to get here, I've finally sloughed off the expectations and assumptions of everyone else, that I previously used to navigate my way in life. And now, I am here with none at all. No idea what I really think or want. No idea where I want to go next. But knowing that the choice will be mine alone. And that I will be ok. That I will be more than ok.

And it's truly exciting to think that I have very few barriers and limitations to hold me back here. I really can just pick up and move to Paris if I want to. And that thought alone is exhilarating. I don't know what I want to do. I just know that I don't want to waste the opportunity and the time. And that the answers to these questions will take more than a day or a week to figure out.


Boston Legal

Final episode ever ... wow

I started watching this show with the ex. One of the only ones we both jointly loved. Watching shows we used to watch together, alone, has been tough. And odd. It will be weird for this one to be gone.

Oh Shatner. I still love your work! I'll miss you from my Monday nights!