October 15th, 2009


Breakthrough Day

Yesterday was a bit of a breakthrough day for me - I really didn't realise just how burned out I was going into my holiday. I mean, I know I was using the word and I did feel, not on top of my game, but it's taken about 10 days of almost not doing anything, not talking to anyone to sort of ... I dunno, I don't feel recharged yet, I don't feel up to giving or doing or even thinking, really, not yet, but I can sort of see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel empty but at least not drained. I haven't really been able to read or concentrate - I've been sewing and watching a lot of TV but my brain has kind of been on "sleep" mode.

Yesterday though, I made a list. For the first time in ages, I was able to write a list. It was amazing! And I was able to do a bit of planning for next week. Today I called up the help desk at work and sorted out my email access problems for my work email account (I need some instructions for before I go back to work.

I went to yoga last night, I'd skipped the last three weeks and my hips were starting to hurt sitting crosslegged so I knew I couldn't leave it another week. And in the class, I had to come out of a forward bend with legs apart because my hips hated it. (My instructor asked me what was wrong and I told her I hadn't been to enough yoga and she said she knew!) Though funnily enough, my back bend was better as were my shoulder stands. Today though I hurt a lot too.

Today has been a bit of a write off though, workwise. I did make it to the shops and to the post office. But not much else got done, which I am a bit sad about - I was hoping to ride on the back of yesterday's progress. Tomorrow will be a full day of work, I hope.

Tonight, my internet is too slow but I've been blogging about the publishing side of my day over at twelfthplanet.


other things

Last night I watched Nixon/Frost. How funny that I had been putting off watching movies cause I didn't think I had the concentration to sit and follow an hour and a half or two hours on one story. TV episodes felt more consumable. But then I was watching whole seasons rather than episodes and now a movie seems ridiculously short! Nixon/Frost was a movie I was looking forward to watching and like a bunch of other political films I have seen recently (W and Charlie Wilson's War) I found it unsatisfying. Basically this film was all about a 2 minute bit of an interview - essentially it was about "that closeup" of Nixon's face and that bit of a dialogue where he says something along the lines of "it's not illegal if it's done by the President", which is a really fascinating insight into the man's mind. Of course these are both given a very short sharp treatment and then the movie moves on, to nowhere really that interesting. This movie, and I think also the others I mentioned, lack an analysis, commentary or any kind of even subtext. They lack a commitment to take a side or a viewpoint and in all three cases I wandered of thinking, "meh, I could have done something better with that time."

OMG how do I live the life that I live normally? I cannot cope with the incoming emails, requests, commitments, meetings and mail. How do I do this normally? Its overwhelming!