When you've been putting something off for two years or more, and you think it's a really really scary thing to do, that you're kind of terrified to do, it's an extremely odd feeling to find yourself in the midst of that task, without pomp, without ceremony, and actually without much pain.
I am knee deep and well into pulling apart my study and sighting every scrap of crap and filing, tossing or passing things on. I can't quite believe it, still.
- culled books from my bookshelves
- tossed out the video tapes
- amnestied myself from ASif! reviews
- posted out a ton of ASif! review copies
- admitted there are books I will never read, don't want to read and am cool to move on from not reading
- found my mothers stack of scrap patchwork and quilting books - she did lend them to me
- found a rather hunky photo of planeterry
in an old news article
- sorted through a lot of my postgrad stuff and boxed it away
- reduced another box from the TPP stock
- found stuff from the ex and just tossed it
- created a heck of a lot of storage space --> maybe now I have too much space?!?
- found a photocopy of an article showing a row of men with enormous testicles (dunno why I have that either)
- all my Dark Angel fanfiction
- a postcard from kathrynlinge
address to "'the cell'"
- the manuscript of my first novel, clearly not trunked enough
- a rejection letter for a submission I made to an aussie small press years ago that I had forgotten about entirely
It's really weird - being able to look at all this stuff unemotionally and either toss it or pack it up. It feels weird that it took me so long to get to actually doing it, that I made it into this big deal, and now that I am here, doing it, it's really not a big deal at all. I guess I'm finally past it all. And more than that, I think part of the problem was that when I moved in here, I never actually gave anything a proper place so stuff never went back to its place. Since I have been doing this all week, tidying up is so much easier. Now my house has systems and order and things naturally find their way back there. And I guess a lot of that had to do with the state of mind I was in when I moved in here. I'm glad though to be beyond that now. And maybe back to me. Again.
And watching the end of Season 5 of Northern Exposure. Even though Joel whines and whines and complains, the show is totally less than when he is not in the episode.
Today I am finally feeling like I am over the burn out. First day of the whole holidays. And funnily enough, my bedtime is creepy back to midnight and getting up earlier in the morning now too. Which is nicely in preparation for work next week. Eek! I paid bills today. And ran a bunch of errands. I'm feeling a little sorrowful that work starts again next week but also that I might be ready and on top of things again by then.