December 7th, 2009


weird dreams and real life dreams

I had a weird, unsettling dream last night. I dreamt I was climbing some kind of tourist type climbey thing - you know the kind, some sort of huge building with lots and lots of stairs and people all clambering to get up and see whatever it is that the thing is famous for seeing. Cept all the stairs were on the outside of the building and grated. I hate heights. I hate climbing stairs with gaps between, even more so when you can see both beneath your feet and out over the edge. And I was climbing with something in my hands (some kind of craft project) which was slowing my progress and adding to the feeling of being unsettled. I had the feeling that I had climbed this structure before but this day, I just didn't want to go any further. I had reached my limit and I wanted to go down.

And the process of going down required some kind of stick to be jammed in the lattice work of the stairs in order to be leaned on and help me down off some kind of thoroughfair so that I could bypass the crowd and take the easy exit down. Whereupon I found myself in some kind of antechamber that was round and the top of the curved wall featured six or nine, I can't remember, faces and names of people who had gone on some journey beforehand. These six or nine names were repeated but the faces were of some different era - like one was ancient egyptian or roman and then the second lot were like in the early 1800s or some such.

And then I found myself cleaning out a household fridge that was also being used to store paperwork. *shrug* And I was pointing out that it was a *fridge* and there was this newly constructed premises that would be perfectly fine for archiving purposes.

I have no idea what this means other than, my current career path has been on my mind quite heavily this weekend. I was driving home on Friday and was thinking about how my new contract was starting on Jan 27 and I was suddenly struck by how wrong this all is. That I had to take this contract that was offered to me in the short term, for short term reasons of necessity but that I have been doing this for like 4.5 years now and that means that this thing that I do - the day job - has no real purpose or plan to it other than to pay to feed and house and clothe me. And that, sure that's fine cause I can travel, and go out and about town and do small press, but ... is that the meaning of life? I was weighed down by this sudden feeling of pointlessness to this whole gig. It was most unsettling.


Silly Season Stocking Stuffer Sale!

In celebration of the release of the Aurealis Awards shortlist, we're having a Silly Season Sale!

For December only, grab any of our award-shortlisted titles with free postage within Australia*:

And International Stockings, we'll split the postage with you*:

*NOTE: Horn is only available while stocks last.
Offer ends December 23, 2009.