March 22nd, 2010

Willow

Decluttering State of Mind

I guess it's a mood? I'm decluttering. I like the way tidying up feeds on itself the same way as making a mess does. It's reassuring that if you put in enough effort, one of the benefits is that you are more likely to maintain the achievements and work towards bigger ones. Not to say that there aren't days when my house looks like a bomb has hit it but the mess wears on me more now because I am used to things now being tidied away and I am thus more likely to deal with it quicker.

I guess it's the same as doing chores. I got to a spot where I thought I was getting on top of these and then I got deluged with more things to do and I got discouraged. It's really easy to put that phonecall off till tomorrow or take this thing to be repaired next weekend. But the more you leave stuff, the more it wears down on you, all its white noise at the back of your mind.

Somewhere along the way, I got to quite liking the feeling of having things done - the small things removed from my frame of mind and the niggling things to stop niggling. It turns out that's a much nicer space to be in. And it turns out you can be happy and happier more often and it's totally within your control.

So I've been decluttering and getting a little bit addicted to decluttering. Not grand tidying up type things but more the walking past something and thinking, "that goes in that cupboard" or "I don't need that, it can go out" and then acting on that thought. Or thinking "I really need/should/must/have to" and then actually just doing that as the very next thing. And it's kind of creeping into more aspects of my life - not just tidying up my house (which I am doing because I cannot face moving a lot of that junk in one more housemove) but also in terms of relationships that I am in that are unhealthy or make me feel bad about myself, and speaking up when I previously wouldn't (you're shocked I know, but I hold a lot back, brace yourself world) and in my finances and lifestyle habits too.

Because if you take responsibility for dealing with things that make you feel shitty, or disorganised, or bad or whatever, you can take how you feel into your own control.

The only problem though with all this dealing with stuff I have been putting off is that it doesn't help with the cutting back on the finances stuff! There's lots of things I've been putting off that cost money and they are all going to get done this week and next. Ouch! On the other hand, it will feel awesome to know they are done and to enjoy the things that having done them will mean - glasses that fit, carpets that are clean, dogs that are properly vaccinated, things fixed in the house etc etc.

ETA: I wonder how much of this is due to drinking more water and cutting out dairy - in terms of feeling better mentally. My mind feels clearer, I feel more ruthless and equipped to just make decisions and move on.
Willow

and following on from that

I've spent a lot of time beating myself up about things, mostly related to not having done all the things I have mentioned I'm now doing in the last post. I'm anxious about my next rent inspection. I'm anxious about Benji going back to the place he was adopted from to be boarded whilst we're at Swancon (when I say "boarded" I think he'll be sleeping on the bed of the man who was caring for him before I adopted him. And I was warned he'll be grubby when he comes home - that's not anything different from being outside at my house).

I fear judgement, I think. Judgement that I am not perfect. Which is ridiculous because ... dum dum dah! I am not perfect. I worried what they would thikn of how I have been caring for Benji as though they might think I am not taking good enough care of him. I am worried about being thought of as a bad tenant for things that have basically just been issues of wear and tear in an old house. I fear judgement about being a bad person for hurting someone else's feelings when I turn around and tell them, "Hey you stepped on me and it hurt."

I juggle a lot of things in my life. And yes, I juggle more than most people and if I juggled less, I'd have more time to do each thing better or perhaps maybe just quicker. But I don't think that would make me happy. I think I need to juggle this many things. But because most people don't tend to see everything that I do and all that I juggle and all that I achieve, they mostly are looking at me from one perspective only and I know that I frustrate them because I can't action something quickly or I still have not done X, Y or Z, no matter how simple these might actually be.

And it's very easy to own other people's judgement. It's actually also a lot easier to beat yourself up in advance, in expectation of this judgement, and to do it more effectively than the actual judgement might be, and for a longer period of time and much more harshly.

I've been feeling quite crap about a bunch of things in my life, my private, boring, every day type life. About how I'm not a better housekeeper, not a better friend, not a better dog owner, not a better whatever. But I'm not a bad any of those things either. I'm just not perfect. That's all.

Willow

Holy Crap! Storm!

Well, this would be the kind of thing I'm talking about with the everytime I go to get something done of my chores list, more get added on. I left work at 4pm to go to the optometrist, I figured about a 45 min drive away. As I headed onto the freeway and just about was at the Narrows Bridge, I entered the front of the storm, there was rain. Then the traffic was at a standstill and there was hail. A LOT of hail. We don't get much hail here, it normally melts as or before it hits the ground. This hail was so big I was terrified by windscreen was going to shatter. And in fact, the roof and bonnet of my car have lots of dings in it. As we finally moved forward on the freeway, visibility was low and I was driving mostly on faith.



By the time I got off the freeway at Charles Street, lights were out, deep puddles were in every intersection and around banked up stormwater drains. I went through so many puddles that i was worried my car would stall in one. And as I and a big 4 wheel drive were navigating one on Charles St a car came careening to the left of us, onto the kerb, on to the path and then narrowly missed a pole to come sitting still in the middle of the puddle we were tentatively driving around. I don't know if that was instead of ramming up the back of us or whether it was out of control or what.

I was travelling down main roads and there was nowhere to really veer off - the water was as deep as the islands in some places and I was scared of stalling or getting bogged.

It took me an hour and a half to get to my destination, I was shaky, scared and really no longer in the mood for getting my eyes tested. I walked in, 30 mins late and said "let's just forget the whole thing." His wife called with a flooding emergency and we just rescheduled my appointment and I went and sat in my car for a bit before I could face getting back out onto the roads.

When I got home I found a terrified doggy. He didn't greet me at the door and all I could hear was this scrambling noise. I went into the study to find it ripped apart, still no doggy only sounds. He'd fossicked all the way to behind things way at the far corner:






He was behind all that crap in the corner there and took some effort to come back out again though he was thrashing around in there at the same time. Maybe he heard my car or me arrive and was trying to get out from being curled up in there?



And apparently this one shelf in the TV room was offensive or looked like it might provide a good hiding place:



I tweeted it live perhaps best if my mother doesn't go and find that stream :)

Willow

storm return frequency?

Interested to know what the storm return frequency was of this storm, for like, stuff.

The Bureau of Meteorology's Mount Lawley station has recorded more than 37 millimetres of rain since the storm hit, ending one of Perth's longest recorded dry spells.

The bureau's station at Swanbourne in Perth's western suburbs has recorded just over 47 millimetres.

Allen Gale from the Fire and Emergency Services Authority says it has so far received dozens of calls for calls for help, and expects plenty more as residents arrive home this evening.

He says the damage is widespread.

"A lot of traffic lights out of course and power lines across the metropolitan area," he said.

Andrew Burton from the Bureau of Meteorology says it is one of the biggest storms to hit Perth in years, with wind gusts of up to 120 kilometres an hour.


http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/03/22/2853076.htm

ETA: Hoyden About Town has it as 1 in 50 years. Interesting ...