May 4th, 2010

Willow

It's to be expected, after all

Ugh, I didn't sleep last night. I know why too but I'm not sure the why really helps, does it? I think I didn't sleep for the same reason my niece doesn't sleep - overstimulation of the brain and a desperate desire to inhale more and more and more stimulation, creativity, imagination, information, knowledge and on and on and on.

I had an appointment after work last night and then by the time I got home, settled in, made dinner etc, it was already lateish. Then I tried to get the plug in for podcasting on wordpress to work so that I could upload the first episode of TwelfthPlanetCast onto the TPP website and then onto iTunes. I succeeded with the first - and you can now have the sultry tones of Nick Evans read you Peter M Ball's story from Sprawl, "One Saturday Night, With Angel." It was the first story submitted to the anthology and the first one I bought so it seems fitting that it be the first one out there to carry the flag for the book. (No pressure, Peter.) But the latter part of that process - getting an RSS feed that works and submitting it to iTunes kicked my ass. Then it kicked it a few more times and several hours of cursing and not getting much done, I walked off, task incomplete. ARGH.

It was late by then but I hadn't done my allocated amount of daily editing. And I think if I don't meet that goal every single day, I am not going to get there by Worldcon. Why, yes, the adrenalin has well and truly kicked in for me - did so about the second last week of April. No room in my world right now for "I don't wannas". No choice about whether or not I have motivation or enthusiasm. I'm running on adrenalin baby! (see first para about not sleeping) So I worked on the third story for the day and got that sent off to proofing. A quick power down with some reading of Vol 5 of Fables (they haven't revealed who the Adversary is yet - if you listen to Galactic Suburbia - but I have apparently guessed correctly. I thought I was wrong cause I didn't think it was THAT cool, maelkann thinks differently. In any case, the issues are really starting to pick up. Also I think Jack must leave Fabletown about now.) But then I wasn't tired and I felt a bit sick so I sorta watching Saving Grace which then gave me a nightmare so horrible that I woke up at 2,30am shaking. And then I had to sleep with the TV on and ... yeah. Not sleeping. Grr. AND too scared to go down to watch Foxtel YET THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I HAVE IT!

As I'm writing this out, I realise that my OCD has been progressively increasing and ... so are my stress levels. I should monitor that. I'm going back to yoga on Thursdays so that should help some.

But I think there are two stages, for me, in the stress stakes. I'm in stage 1 at the moment where I am so busy working that I am seeking out stimulation - I'm reading, a lot, I'm listening to a bunch of podcasts, I'm seeking out creative outlets. I am looking for more and more to infuse into my brain. I'm in a creative cauldron at the moment, I have so many projects up in the air and the only way I know how to juggle this is to just start running on the spot and throwing more balls in the air.

And then there will come stage 2 - paralysing panic. But I'm not there yet.

And that is why I am not sleeping :)