May 27th, 2010

Willow

Dawsons Creek Season 2

Last night we had such a lovely evening - sadly our favourite restaurant was closed "due to unforeseen circumstances" (!!!) so I enacted our backup restaurant for the first time. Well, it was *my* back up anyway, since maelkann had never been there before. It's my parents' current local and I'd been somewhat hesitant til that last time I went and quite liked it. I liked it A LOT this time - the service was so excellent, we were made to feel really special and that was before I introduced myself to the owner in the context of being my Dad and Mum's daughter (... you have another sister too? ... yes, yes I do ...). The food was excellent. And the company was the best. Then we popped back home and noodled around on xbox and foxtel IQ til it was time to pop back out to the Astor to see John Robertson's current stand up show.

Yeah, look, if you know me in real life, you'll have heard my black sense of humour. You might have heard me make some *very very* dark jokes about WWII. I told one on the weekend that was SO FAR OVER THE LINE you wouldn't even know there was one. But these are coping mechanisms. And there is something different for me about hearing an outsider tell Holocaust jokes - even the soft ones that were probably not over the line the way mine was the other day. So there were Hitler jokes that came early in the show and that kind of put me off balance for the rest, because I then was watching the show within that context. That said, Robertson is clearly an intelligent, observant and witty man and I look forward to seeing him evolve and grow as a performer and comedian. And the show is well worth seeing - it didn't feel too long, there are definitely laughs in it and ... I think the Astor is always worth popping out to, especially on a cold, wintry Perth evening.

Yes we popped past Planet. Yes I bought a book. No it was not really justified under any of my loopholes.

And then we came home and I watched the end of Season 2 of Dawson's Creek. After watching the whole season and getting a little irritated with the writing, particularly of the female characters who seem to have a lot less consistent character arcs and more random, disjointed, plot devices disguised as character development, I found myself sobbing through the last 15 minutes. I think the show kind of finally finds its feet by the second half of the finale for Season 2. Sure, we lose Andi but she was really only there as a reason for Pacey's growth and change. She is crucial to the whole story but her contribution is discrete, and done. The only person who again makes no change from beginning to end is Dawson. And I guess in some ways, that makes sense. He has the idealised perfect life. He has what everyone else in the show is striving to obtain. In essence, he has nowhere to go. He basically facilitates everyone else who orbits around him. I only have Season 3 left. I'll have to see when JB HiFi has another sale. I expect to zoom through this season in no time. And then have my comedown with withdrawal.

shiny&chocolate

On matters of the heart

I need a soppy icon.

maelkann and I are coming up to our 5 month anniversary next week and I feel sort of reflective. See, it turns out this thing, love, is nothing like how I thought it would be. And that fact alone probably explains a lot about my own personal past. It feels weird to not even blog that often any more about what's going on in my personal life. I used to do it a lot and I think that comes back to the bit where lj is for whining. When I was unsure or insecure and wanted reassurance, I came here to you guys for comfort. But when things are right, and you don't need emotional support, what do you blog about?

When you're single, or going through heartbreak, the last thing you want to read about is someone else's happiness. It used to physically hurt me to see people out and about who were clearly in love and happy. I thought I would never have that and I didn't even really know what it was to have. But last night, there I was, sitting with maelkann in the theatre and we were focussed on each other, and I realised that I had no idea what it was like to be on this side of the fence - here, we are still discovering each other, still finding out what our relationship is, still deepening and expanding our trust and respect and friendship, starting to build something. And what we have is ours, and it's probably unlike what anyone else has cause it's all unique and custom detailed.

The thing is, there is no drama. And ... that's sort of taken some time to process. There's never been any drama. We haven't even had our first fight yet - we've come close but we've both expressed what was going on, in different moments, and explained how particular things made us feel or react and the other person has taken that on board and adjusted. Because we respect and like each other and don't want to cause any harm. And did I already say that there is no drama? Me, a former drama queen, has no drama in her personal life. There's no expectations, no jealousy, no attention seeking, no game playing, nothing. I'd love to see maelkann more but we live 55 minutes apart, we're adults with lives and friends and commitments and interests and we both want each other to feel free to experience all of that. So when we don't spend a night together, I'm happy to enjoy spending the time with a friend or on my own catching up on things. And its of course because he makes me feel like the centre of his attention, even when I am not with him. He makes me feel special and loved and valued. He's interested in everything that I do and he shares everything that he does with me.

I feel happy and content. I feel like I haven't compromised anything about myself and that I have space to grow and evolve. He makes me laugh. He pulls me up when I need to be. He confides in me and I in him. He participates in my life and has invited me into his own. I feel as though I can bring any problem to him and he never judges me, rather helps work to find a solution or compromise. I feel no urgency and no need to be anyone other than who I am. I feel as though I finally came home.