June 16th, 2010


sigh owwwww

It will be no surprise to say here that I am not one who needs much sleep. I'm not a good sleeper and never have been. But the body needs sleep. It's what makes everything work properly and repairs stuff what's not working right. And there's all these random things that happen to you when you don't sleep properly.

So ... I had this random neuro fuck up thing when I was 12 which we discovered due to a netball injury - I blame the netball and not classical dancing nor not sleeping properly. Basically, I sprained my ankle and my brain mixed up the messages and started shutting down blood supply to my leg. It was odd. I was in emergency for hours. They didn't know what had happened, if it was some kind of collapsed artery etc, and they didn't know if my foot was gonna go gangrenous. I had all sorts of weird tests and things. It was awesome. Not. The Children's ER is not a fun place to be. Ever.

And then they tried all kinds of weird shit to fix something that they didn't know what it was. Least favourite has to be the "physiotherapy" method of sitting my foot in a bucket of ice for 10 mins and then a bucket of boiling hot water for 10 minutes and repeat. Holy fuck that was torture. And I believe is defined as actual torture? It didn't fix it neither.

A visit to a neurologist came up with this diagnosis of "fibrositis" and the foot manifesting as "sympathetic distrophy" which I think means, "all in your head". And then I got sent to the nun (this was at the catholic hospital) for meditation exercises (Irish nuns are very relaxing and calming to listen to). With fibrositis there are pressure points all over your body which when poked at bloody well hurt. But the main thing that I understand is that with lack of sleep or lack of good quality sleep, the messages travelling to my brain get garbled so that instead of receiving "this is the knee", the brain receives/interprets "knee is injured and hurts".

Which basically means that I get odd aches and big pains that feel like injuries that are not actually there. Sunday and Monday my left sholder, elbow and wrist ached so much like they had been yanked out of the sockets, the kind of constant not-dull ache that makes you want to cry. And then gone like it was never there. And today my right knee and ankle hurt the same way. Like I want to limp. But I haven't injured them and though the pain feels real like any injury I might have, it's not real. As in, it really hurts like I want to cry but its not from any actual injury.

And ... tells me I need to force myself to get some more good quality sleep for a couple of nights.

Internet search has got this on this disorder:

Fibromyalgia is a chronic condition causing pain, stiffness, and tenderness of the muscles, tendons, and joints. Fibromyalgia is also characterized by restless sleep, awakening feeling tired, fatigue, anxiety, depression, and disturbances in bowel function. Fibromyalgia was formerly known as fibrositis.

While fibromyalgia is one of the most common diseases affecting the muscles, its cause is currently unknown. The painful tissues involved are not accompanied by tissue inflammation. Therefore, despite potentially disabling body pain, patients with fibromyalgia do not develop body damage or deformity. ...

The cause of fibromyalgia is not known. Those affected experience pain in response to stimuli that are normally not perceived as painful. ...

The universal symptom of fibromyalgia is pain. As mentioned earlier, the pain in fibromyalgia is not caused by tissue inflammation. Instead, these patients seem to have an increased sensitivity to many different sensory stimuli and an unusually low pain threshold. Minor sensory stimuli that ordinarily would not cause pain in individuals can cause disabling, sometimes severe pain in patients with fibromyalgia. The body pain of fibromyalgia can be aggravated by noise, weather change, and emotional stress. ...

In patients with widespread body pain, the diagnosis of fibromyalgia can be made by identifying point tenderness areas (typically, patients will have at least 11 of the 18 classic fibromyalgia tender points), by finding no accompanying tissue swelling or inflammation, and by excluding other medical conditions that can mimic fibromyalgia

That's how they diagnosed me.

I wonder if you can work on getting more REM sleep?


And in today's news

Why yes I am still procrastinating on that thing and perhaps the bigger the thing being procrastinated on and the worse this becomes on the outcome, the more and bigger things that need to be done to negate the procrastinatory guilt?

Today I:

- looked at my CV (YUCK) and went through what needs to be updated (DOUBLE YUCK)
- started editing 1 of the 5 novellas on the rest of my 2010 publishing list (I only have 3 in my inbox at the moment)
- queried something I was supposed to do last Nov and the longer its gone on, the more embarrassed I've been to query it
- registered and drafted up my application for something
- asked about readers for Twelfth Planet Cast and ended up with a ton of replies (thank you!)
- discovered what I am going to write about for this essay that I have to write


I have copies of HORN - wow!! HORN is back in stock, it feels so weird to have copies of HORN to sell again!

ball of yarn

Craft Photo Post Day 3

Works in progress - cause I don't work one thing at a time ...

Almost finished Boston Star (Jinny Beyer pattern)

And this one will be Blazing Star (also Jinny Beyer). I quite love this one - it's pretty simple but the template is tricky to get the reverse pieces right (which is why this is half and not whole tonight). I think I'll probably play with this one in the reds as well, when I'm finished with this one.