July 15th, 2010

Willow

The sugar thing

How is it Thursday late night already when the week was crawling for so long?

So an update. I had some sugar a couple of nights ago. When I say sugar, let's place it somewhere between a spoon in my coffee and a whole chocolate mud cake. But it was one thing. And ... did I enjoy it? I thought I would enjoy it more in the moments before partaking. I tried to enjoy it whilst eating it, cause otherwise, why eat it? It was hard to not just scoff it down and to focus on the eating of it. And also to realise that it was this and nothing else, so enjoy it.

Some interesting things. Firstly, I made it clear to myself that I was eating one thing, and the one thing is not the issue - it's the curtailling it to one thing. So, as long as I didn't follow it up with satisfying more cravings, thinking that I had fallen off the wagon therefore why bother and anything goes, or letting myself slide back to old habits, then it wasn't as big a deal. And the thing is, I don't quite know what's going to happen after this three months is up. I'd kinda like to be able to have the odd satisfied craving. But I don't know that I can do that. An alcoholic can never just have the odd drink.

I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I was. And maybe one thing might be to only eat high quality, non processed, truly delicious things and skip the rest. Was it really worth it? It was worth it for the following thing I learned.

For about the next 24 hours, I was unbelievably lethargic and sluggish. I didn't really work or sew when I came home afterwards. I felt it was hard to move again in the morning and I really had a hard time focussing and concentrating that whole next day. Contrasted with about a day or two later, having a ton of energy to get up and clean up my kitchen at 10 at night, sorting out admin for ASif and opening and dealing with my mail (I don't do that very often or well). And tonight I have finished off the proofing for Edward Teach and also written my quilting bee brief and made up all the packages for my fabric month, so they are ready to get posted next weekish for August. The comparison in clear headedness and energy is hard to ignore and definitely an additional reason to not go back to sugar. I actually haven't really missed it since and don't want to give up this additional energy I seem to have found. That might mean that I can't really have the odd sugary thing too.

In other news, I'm working a lot. I don't seem to have enough time to sew, hence the slowing down of my craft photo posts. I just am only sewing maybe one seam a night. It's sad but hopefully once all the books are at the printer, it'll be better. (It won't, 2011 schedule is pretty darn packed and I need to get onto it as well as promotion and marketing etc.)

And I have some kind of sore face. My teeth ache and my cheek bones and it's pretty damn distracting. I'm off to the doctor's first thing tomorrow and am hoping it won't get in the way of my colonoscopy next week.