May 14th, 2013

Willow

You are not entitled to my attention

So I’m not feeling all that awesome today. At the moment I seem to be having two days respite from morning sickness and today is not one of those days. I had a bunch of errands that were time specific so I’ve spent the morning trying to find a window where I thought I could, if efficient, get to Australia Post, the ATM and the shops in minimal time and get the hell out to go lie down again. I found that window just under an hour ago. I managed to get to the post office just before the queue and got in and out in no too bad time (yay for being an expert in parcels by now). I navigated Woollies and started to feel a bit faint towards the end of my list, discarded a few items, bought myself some tulips to cheer myself up and headed through self check out.

On my way out the shopping centre, focussed on getting to my car ASAP where I could sit down and maybe feel less woozy, I headed past a WWF stand. As I passed it, one of the young lads there called out to me but I shook my head and carried on walking. When I was more than 5 m past him, he called out to me, “hey, did you buy me flowers?”. To which my annoyed response was, “I DID not!” as I carried on walking.

But by the time I got to the car I was fuming. The heckle was harmless. Almost innocent. But … that kind of shit in the context of often getting singled out and heckled when out by yourself gets tiresome after a while. What does it achieve? Obviously I didn’t buy him the flowers, I wasn’t going to stop and give them to him (he WAS NOT remotely cute enough) and I was always going to keep walking. What was the point? The point was, I ignored him. And he couldn’t let that go. He *needed* me to acknowledge him so he heckled to demand my attention, even if it was negative. And for what end? My feelings towards him are unchanged but he managed to make himself exist enough in my world for me to write this post to say – you are not entitled to my attention, I get to walk past you and not notice you.

Mirrored from Champagne and Socks.