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ASif! Donation Drive Writing Stunt

Ben Payne

Brisbane based author, Benjamin John Payne has, in recent years, emerged as one of the controversial figures in Australian Speculative Fiction criticism.

Payne's infamy has emerged, in part, to critical statements relating to the local authors in Australia, while also stating, in interviews, that he is "the best thing to happen to Australian fiction, ever." Ever divisive, others have labelled him a cancer, poser, and genius, all of which Payne has taken in his stride. In a 2005 interview, he said, in relation to the controversy, "Well, I got fucking background in this shit, y'know? Those cunts got government jobs, degrees in science, and bad fucking haircuts. Like I give a shit what they got to say about me." Later, in the same interview, he is reported to have laughed at the idea that some of the people he doesn't like might take things he says personally. "Christ, they don't have a fucking sense of humour, I know that--it's not like I'm talk 'bout their work, you know? I know how touchy they can be bout that shit, so I stay away, but I'd talk about them if I wanted. I'd fucking rip their shit if it was worth it. It's a shame they're so fucking retarded they're all jerking off over new Dr Who. Please, gimme an enemy I can respect. Gimme a German Death Metal Skinhead Nazi with a literature degree."

Indeed, what does mark Benjamin Payne's reviews as different from anyone else on ASif! is his single-minded determination to attack an author personally. Comments about weight, bad teeth, and mullet haircuts have all been included in his reviews. Sean Williams, the popular Adelaide author, went as far as to say that it was not Payne's opinions about his work that bothered him--he really had no idea what he was talking about, after all--but the critique of the author photo that publishers put on the back of the book was devestating. "I was a mess," Williams said in interviews after his 2006 suicide attempt. "I just couldn't stop thinking about my hairline. My tongue, too. I know I don't have a sexy tongue, but--but the way he referred to it as something that had been used to lick every lamp post and wore the signature of each as a lump..." Friends have since noticed that Williams, now clean and sober, has recently gotten married to a successful woman, and gotten himself a haircut. Payne, however, has continued, making cutting personal attacks based on rape fantasy horror fiction--"who can't pick up, hey?"--semi-autobiographical pieces--"I would've killed myself if I'd had to live with your emo shit, too"--and conventions, which he once referred to as "a collection of those losers you wouldn't make out with in High School" and who "in a desperate attempt to have that old glory... created a scene to serve their bruised middle-aged inner child".

Many have questioned why, exactly, Benjamin Payne has remained in print, and why he has continued to be so well represented on ASif!. In the past, publisher Alisa Krasnostein has replied only by saying, "He has balls."

Time has changed, however, and Krasnostein, now faced with overwhelming pressure from the elderly parents of Australian authors, has begun a collection to have Payne retired. "In a graceful way," she added, in private conversation a week ago. "A graceful rat poison way."

-- Ben Peek







Donation Tally
Current Tally of Money Donated: $1575
Number of tickets in the running for prizes: 311
Number of people donated: 38
Current Goal for 2008 Running Budget: $5000

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
trentonomicon
Dec. 12th, 2007 12:53 am (UTC)
It's all true, the bastard's been going on about my thinning hair for years. Not to mention the various times he's stoned my roof. Payne must be stopped.
satyapriya
Dec. 12th, 2007 03:53 am (UTC)
I agree. Payne must be stopped. I grow weary of his snipes about my love of stapling. It's a hobby, dammit, not an obsession.
cassiphone
Dec. 12th, 2007 09:01 am (UTC)
OMG I was laughing so hard through this whole thing. My family now thinks I am a crazy person.

And of course it's funny because it's TRUE.

I had not yet donated due to the extreme embarassment of having forgotten my Paypal password, but I am totally going to do it right now.

Both Bens are brilliant! And evil. And one is slightly more evil than the other. And we all know which one that is. :D
girliejones
Dec. 12th, 2007 09:50 am (UTC)
Both Bens are brilliant! And evil. And one is slightly more evil than the other. And we all know which one that is. :D


... or do we ...
benpeek
Dec. 13th, 2007 09:58 am (UTC)
it's payne. just so we're no confused no more. it's payne. he's the evil one.
ex_chrisbil
Dec. 12th, 2007 12:27 pm (UTC)
"Gimme a German Death Metal Skinhead Nazi with a literature degree."

Give him Howard W. Campbell Jr...
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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