I'm sitting here by myself on a Saturday night and trying, yet again, to piece it all together, to somehow make sense of it in the hope that I will be able to move on from it. On the one hand, it's been what? 10 weeks? which seems like such a long time since we ended but on the other hand, it's like it's *only* been 10 weeks and maybe I am expecting too much too soon. But I was thinking how the ex would think me sitting here on a Saturday night is so typical of me and why he wanted it to end. (he wouldn't take into account it's only the second night I've been home this week)
See, I think I keep trying to figure out *who* I really am - am I the me before him, the me whilst I was with him (and i changed over the 6 years, like anyone would) or whatever it is I am now. And I realised that it's okay to have a breather right now. That I am allowed a time out to just put myself back together. That I don't have to fill every second with other people, like he does, and that it's perfectly fine to just ... chill. And that this is just a period in my life like all the others have been. And that who I am now is probably not who I will be next year or in the next phase of my life or whatever.
Also, today, I discovered I have a "skittle" shaped body. Yay?
So ... I'm left wondering what holds me back from moving on and what and why I can't let go.