girlie jones (girliejones) wrote,
girlie jones

Where to now?

So ... a lot of thoughts going on in my head at the moment. Lots of big type questions hanging around demanding answers.

I gave myself 6 months to get my shit together in December 2007. So that makes time being up at the end of May. I'd have to say, on the whole, I've pretty much met this goal.

I say on the whole because I developed a new philosophy in my approach to life along the way. I always knew that I needed a multipronged approach; I needed to deal with a range of issues and elements and attack the problem from many angles. Basically, I needed to look at work, home, friendships, relationships, health, internal mental aspects (and images) of self, time commitments and management, sleep routines, cooking, balancing a range of demands and many many other things. Looking internally and externally and all around. Looking at what my life was, where things had fallen over and comparing it to the kind of life I wanted to have and the kind of person I wanted to be. And then looking at the obstacles preventing me from getting there. And then looking to work on those.

And what I discovered in trying to do the above is ... to put perfection on hold. By that, I mean that sometimes your objective might be to get from A to X but you might not be able to get there directly but directly is not the *only* route. For me, I often think well then, I can't do that - there's a detour in the way or it will take too long or I have to do C, B and W before that. And then I will throw my hands in the air and say, well I cannot execute A through X directly so I cannot do it. What I have learned only recently is that it's okay to schedule a stopover. That actually, going from A to H now, and then getting from H to X later on makes me closer to the objective that not starting at all. And often the reasoning I use for not doing A through H is that I will leave it at H and H is not X. Except the problem then is that I never do anything at all because X is not immediately achievable. What I am learning, or allowing, is to accept that even if H is as far as I get, at least it's better than staying at A.

So an example of what I mean. My study was the dumping ground for things when I moved in here. It got all books, all work stuff, all papers, all the craft stuff and a bunch of other things that didn't have a home. So A in this case is messy room that can hardly be walked into yet alone used in any productive sense of the word and contains an enormous amount of work other than the obvious (example, book queue, craft projects in progress, business planning etc etc). Leaving things at A not only mean the room cannot be used for anything productive, it also prevents me doing things like balancing bank accounts, auditing projects, working though business ideas AND finishing my thesis. X would be an organised room where all paperwork is filed, all books are in order, the desk is set up as a functional work space, boxes have been unpacked and sorted through, much crap has been tossed and the work space is functional (and means work must now be done in it). It's impossible to go from A to X. Yet remaining at A is an enormous work and mind block and makes you feel bad. H it turns out is not so bad - books are in the bookshelf, if not in order at least can be looked at, a temporary filing place is creating with a temporary filing system (it doesn't have to be the final and best system but in this state at least papers can be found when looked for), the floor is clear, all craft is in one cupboard, all ASif material is organised, the desk is semi functional. And the room does not repel me such that I cannot even enter to do some work or organising.

So I am also applying this approach to other aspects of self and my life. Such as career - this job is better than the last one but maybe not where ultimately I want to be. So if work is at H, now I have to figure out where and what X is. And gosh but I just don't know.

And so now, I have 5 months to decide *that* - that's my next goal!
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